let's get a SILVER BULLET trailer and HAVE A BABY BOY //

the difference between the sprout and the bean

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:35:47 GMT

I was sitting at my desk and sucked in my breath and suddenly felt like I was back in Sydney. Being on exchange is weird, you know? Because you forget that it's temporary, but other people don't, and their perspectives of you are informed by that. You realise it when they introduce you to other people, "This is Audrey from New Zealand, she's here on exchange for a semester." And I think some people don't get as close to you as they would otherwise, and it's entirely unconscious, but it's in the back of their minds. It's unsettling, "You're only here for two more months!" and they're looking at it objectively, from the outside, but you're completely immersed, looking at it from the inside, so for you it's about the person and not the time. You like this person, you enjoy his or her company, you enjoy it in that moment, and you're happy. Same situation; different frames of mind.

Halloween's coming up, I'm excited, I have a costume, it's American, it subscribes to the 'Sexy Something' line of thinking, it will be fun, you will be fun, we will be fun!

Edit: Just remembered, Dad, I had a beef kabob platter last night and it made me super excited about visiting you :D

ottoman

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:57:13 GMT

Before I begin, I would like to make special mention of James Cush, because he is narcissistic and visited this blog purely to look for his own name.

(I was going to put a picture of him here because I'm a creep but my computer is too slow)

I'm giving myself 7 minutes to write this entry. Time is of the essence, my babies!

Quick (and late) rundown: upon arrival in Philly, I met an amazing guy in an elevator, Ted. Darling Sharath (from Jersey) made us become friends in that short, awkward ride, and we exchanged numbers. A couple of days later, I met the gorgeous Madeleine while getting the internet set up on my laptop, and we also exchanged numbers.

After settling in, I texted Ted later in the week to inform him that I had no friends, so we went to paint his friend's room, then went for drinks at his other friend's place, affectionately called 233. I met all his homie gs, found out that Madeleine is one of their closest friends, and the rest is history. They introduced me to more and more people, none of whom have a bad bone in their bodies, and now I have a very, very skewed perspective that Penn is filled with beautiful, beautiful people. Which it is.

America's changing me; I've actually uploaded some photos to Facebook. ? I'm even thinking of doing a status update?

3 minutes left! I guess I've left things far too late to give you a blow-by-blow account of everything that I've done here. Suffice to say, it's a lot, and it's all been wonderful. Although Facebook photos aren't representative in the least, they'll maybe give you a slice of my Penn pie.

FALL BREAK THIS WEEKEND.
I'M GOING TO NEW YORK AND FINALLY GETTING TO SEE ASHGAVS+JEN. I'm so excited!

Talk soon but probably not. Although, Chloe and Siobhan, email me when you're free and we'll do a Skype sesh, I completely forgot about our missions! :)

xx

P.S. I took 15 minutes to write this.

IT'S A PARTY IN THE USA

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 01:28:22 GMT

I chilled with Uzi Tenenbaum on some guy's roof and saw the Super Mash Bros all within the space of 24 hours

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:07:12 GMT

People here say 'sicknasty.' As one word. "Dude, that's sicknasty." Exquisite! But is it bad? Is it good?

Sometimes I get a bit sad here. I miss you, Mum :(

hoooooooooooooold on.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:28:02 GMT

I'll give you a detailed account of just what's gone down at JewPenn since I got here later, I promise I will. I will I will I will.

But quick summary! So, first week and a half was just one big party. It was NSO (New Student Orientation) and everybody was SO FRIENDLY and AWESOME. It was top notch. Frat parties are frat parties, for sure. Classes started on the 9th. Classes are a bit weird, all my classes are seminars, just like they were in Sydney, except there's no free-flowing conversation here... so nobody talks over another, everybody raises their hand to speak, and it's more like a question-and-answer session, rather than higher-level thinking. However, the workload is MASSIVE. An unending amount of readings, which sucks. The 'work hard, play hard' policy is intense here. I've hardly taken any photos because I suck (but also because when I was getting to know people, I didn't want to be like HAY I WANT A PHOTO OF YOU). The few I have taken, I'll put up... later. But yup, the parties and the people are fun and chill and make me shake my iron fist at the lack of a university culture back home.

I've joined shit! I'm part of the biz staff of the only all-female comedy group in the nation, Bloomers, and the girls are just wonderful. I did a Habitat for Humanity build last Saturday, joined the Service Community of my dorm (because they give you free candy), and I'm doing Publicity for a theatre production, No Exit. All these roles supposedly require you to do jack. This makes me happy. I also did not actively join these things, per se... rather, I'm learning that knowing the right people gets you into stuff with minimal effort in this great corrupt land. America is so cool.

I WENT TO REGINA'S CONCERT LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS SO WONDERFUL

I have friends! I'm uber happy! I'm at home here! Mark my words, plenty can go wrong and probably will. Murphy's Law!

Love from above xx

P.S. Leah, you disappoint me.

she's a Venus in flares and you wanna split hairs

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 05:15:01 GMT

Unreliability is highly unbecoming of me. But I kinda don't care. So, photos from the rest of my Jersey trip. Half are from when we went to NYC and half from Hooters.

Me in Bryant Park. I feel like this place is famous. Or something.

Beautiful Vera Wang Barbie in the huge Barbie shop. I want a Barbie :(

In fact, I want this limited edition Hooker Barbie

YAYY AUSTRALIA I'm not Australian so I don't actually care

SO MANY COLOURZ

I'ma lick chocolate off yo sexay body

FREE on the street

ALSO free <3

NOT free but yummy in my tummy (banana split waffle at Max Brenner's)

Oh man, I totally rode the subway. I rode it hard. And it was good.

On the ferry to Staten Island!

The closest I ever came to this chica.

HAY LOOK. IT'S HOOTERS. Haven for the horny.

Because Pete is obnoxious

:D They're all so nice!

Our buffalo wingsssss. Made from real buffalo.

?

Because Pete is obnoxious

singin' love is the answer to a question

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:45:09 GMT

I love Penn and I love America and I'm presently too tired to post photos or stories.

I also love you.

xx

(It's exactly like the movies)

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:10:15 GMT

I'M AT PENN! Omgosh so exciting.

Will quickly finish recording my Jersey trip to you. This is going to be really bad fast writing 'cause I have to go out now. So, went to NYC on Thursday but never made it to Central Park, instead met up with Sherin's friend Jain who lives on Staten Island, we went to Jamba Juice where I had a Mega Mango smoothie then went to Gray's Papaya on the recommendation of Gomez where we had haat dawgs (sound it out) and this awful papaya drink which we threw away then we got mad at Gomez because he said it was like amazing but found out later we ordered the wrong thing then we went shopping and I bought some stuff then we went to Max Brenner where we devoured a banana split waffle in like 10 seconds then went to Staten Island where everybody speaks repulsively New Yorkish like cawfee and Bawston and we hung out at Jain's and I ate my first slice of New York pizza which was too cheesy for me pleasey. Friday I went round to Pete's place and hung out there all day where we watched Serendipity because it's his favourite movie (CUTE, YES?) then the guys took me to Hooters where we had their amazing buffalo wings and cheese fries and some cheesecake and watched all dem fyne chicks. Then Saturday we helped Sherin move into college (Rutgers - Go-hard goes there, Clo and Siobhan!) and Saturday night Jeff and I went round to Pete's and hung out there where we watched Dazed and Confused (classic, watch it). Then Sunday I CAME TO PHILLY AND NOW I AM HERE.

I'll explain what I've done in Philly so far later. Photos later as well. Just wanted to let you know I'm here!

Love you all!

xx

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 05:44:50 GMT

Thinking (of life & love & you) x

with a thought she has caught by a thread

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:36:17 GMT

I'm still in Jersey.

I was madly trying to contact Ash from Saturday through to Monday about arriving at her place, whether she could pick me up from Times Square, etc. So I'm freaking out 'cause this girly wasn't responding. I was like HOT DAMN I'M BEING JACKED. I finally got a call from her on Monday at like 3pm. Turns out she had fallen and was in hospital getting staples in her head. THANK GOODNESS. Not for her, obviously. I hope Ash recuperates okay :-/ What a horrible thing to happen! Anyway, she's unable to take me in for the week, which is fine as Jessy is happy for me to stay here instead. As Ash goes to uni at Bryn Mawr, which is 20 mins away from my uni, she said she'll pick me up during the semester and we'll hit up NY one weekend =)

Monday, Sherin took me to Panera Bread which is a yummy little restaurant, and went to the mall again that night, where I got 3 tanks for $10 :-O and a pink striped shirt which goes fabulously with my NY belt. Yesterday, we went out to Overpeck Park where I sweat bullets in the ABOMINABLE HEAT and did some exercising and music-listening, and then went to the mall again because Sherin had to return some stuff. Last night I went round to Pete's place with the other guys and we smoked hookah. (Don't worry, Mum, it's perfectly safe.)

Tomorrow, I'm going to NY to have a picnic in NY in Central Park.

No photos this time because I'm not sure I have any on my camera slash I'm too lazy to go upstairs and get it.

Oh yeah! On Sunday night I encountered a stressful situation. Right, so I haven't been checking my UPenn email because I was under the STUPIDLY MISGUIDED impression that it was all being sent to my gmail account. Wrong. So I decided to check my UPenn email, just 'cause, and found emails from over a month ago. Two of them regarding Early Move-In. And they were all, "If you want to move in before Sep 5th, you have to register before Aug 10th. YOU HAVE TO OR YOU WILL DIE." Of course, I hadn't registered. So I flipped out. Rang my mother, rang Gurbani, panicked to Sherin and Jessy, and emailed the housing office with the words URGENT slapped all over the email and a desperate plea to be allowed to stay from the 31st. Luckily they emailed back almost immediately saying "Okay."

BY THE WAY! DID I TELL YOU that the other day I talked to my sis/Mum/Gran on Skype, and I ALSO talked to Chloe and Sam on Skype, and then Chloe and Siobhan on Skype? WELL I DID. AND IT WAS WONDERFUL. I miss you all :( And it was lovely hearing gossip about people I know. Furthermore, I honestly have not heard NZ/Australian accents in so long (except for this really stupid ad on TV advertising the Outback Steakhouse where they're all "COME AND HAVE OUR AUSSIE STEAKS GRILLED ON THE BARBIE LOL") and I didn't think I'd miss them but I do.

I feel like I'm becoming stupid because I haven't done anything remotely intellectual in over 2 months. I haven't even read any of the texts I'll be studying this semester and it's got me v. worried.

So. Thinking of you all. WORD
xx

that's what she said

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 16:42:43 GMT

Yo! This is my last day in Jersey, sort of. I'm going to NY tomorrow to stay with Ash & Jen!! Bom chicka wah wahhhh.

Jersey has been legit. I'm staying with the family of my Mum's friend, Jessy, and she has two kids. Jessy was working so her son's friend Manny picked me up. That day her daughter (who is 18) took me out to the MALL (I've been to the mall way too much in the States) where I made her eat sushi FOR THE FIRST TIME. Who in this day and age has not eaten sushi? CRAZY, I SAY. I bought silver hoops for $2. I love America. Land of opportunities. That evening I met the rest of her family who are super nice and then Jessy's son (who is 22) took us out and I tried my first churro. I was not blown away, because they are just fried doughnuts. But it was yum anyway.

The next day Sherin (the daughter) and I woke up super late. Everyone works so every day it was pretty much just her and me. Sherin tried to hit me in the face when I woke her up. I love her. We saw The Time Traveler's Wife that evening. It was heaps better than I expected. Acting was quite bad initially but it improved, and unfortunately I couldn't stop comparing it to the book, I found it kind of hard to deal with at first because they took a more innocently romantic approach rather than the darkly erotic tone of the novel but I think the emotion nevertheless came through pretty strong because I CRIED MAN. It was good. GO SEE IT.

That evening I met a couple of Jessy's son's friends, Pete and Jeff. They are unbelievably vulgar yet incredibly lovely which was very confusing. They decided to take me out to NYC the next day. So we went to THE BIG APPLE and I have decided that I love NYC because it is busy and nobody cares about each other and everybody is just cool. I still love Chicago more because Chicago is my home. That sounded incredibly lame. We didn't get time to do much in NYC because we all woke up pretty late and also parking was a bitch so we were driving around half the time until we just gave up and parked in a parking deck which cost 31 BUCKS. FOR TWO HOURS. NY is ridiculous. I love NY. We went to the Met which was BRILLIANT especially because it was free which made the experience even better. They fool you into thinking you have to pay BUT YOU DON'T because below the prices they put up they have the word 'Recommended' in small print. So I paid a quarter, Pete paid 5c (which was my 5c) and Jeff paid $1 (which was my $1). So really I paid $1.30. Anyway. We rocked that joint. They made a lot of 'that's what she said' jokes and got mad because I honestly wanted to look at the artwork. Then we went to Central Park but we only walked around for like 30 seconds because it got too hot. We then went and picked up Sherin from her uni orientation. I love NY.

So the next day we woke up late again. We made cheesecake.

Thursday, the hooligans were meant to leave for their road trip but then decided to leave the next morning. So Jeff and Manny came to sleep over and we were up until 7:30am when they left and then I crashed harrrd. Before they left I accidentally kneed Jeff in the balls. They went to 'Maryland' and I have put that in inverted commas because they are liars and actually went to Tennessee but did not want to tell Jessy that because she would get mad. I only slept for 3 hours and then went out with Jessy to do grocery shopping and we got YUMMY MANGOES (sp?). The mangoes were wonderful. I have not eaten mangoes in so long. I think I am spelling mangoes wrong and it is making me mad.

THAT NIGHT WE SAW INGLORIOUS BASTERDS. It was so gorgeously wonderful. Forget The Time Traveler's Wife. See this.

Yesterday Sherin and I went to NYC again and walked around. We stumbled across a street fair which was GREAT and I got a belt for $5 and almost bought some sunglasses for $5 but didn't because I am cheap. We got lunch (BUTTER CHICKEN because I am a curry) and then went to Times Square and went shopping. I bought some mascara (because I did not own any but now, watch out boys, my lashes are going to be built like Arnold) and a woollen top. Now it is Sunday and I am updating this blog!

A NY policeman

A NY cab

In the Met, looking all cultured and shit

We are pretty hardcore

The Temple of Dendur, it was epic as

Outside the Temple of Dendur. None of us wanted to ask somebody to take the picture but we wanted the picture. So Pete did some weird nose touching rubbish which I assume is like our shotgun, so I did shotgun and Jeff had no idea what shotgun was but did it anyway. Pete lost because he got confused. We got the picture, though

Beautiful paintings, the bottom one is a Vermeer

Medieval stuff RAHHHHH SWORDS

They is being angry

Penis-sword. Ahahaha. Perhaps not mature but very very funny

We STRUGGLED to get this picture because Pete refused to take a picture with male genitalia in it

OH NO I AM LOST IN THE MAZE OF SILVER CRAP (on the crown of the Met)

View from the crown

We failed in this picture...

...but we owned this one. Kind of. The sign is in the way.

Outside the Met

In Central Park. I got horribly confused between the East side and West side signs

This is the stand which sells the famous NY chicken & rice. It's pretty excellent.

Sherin fell asleep on the ride home from her orientation. That was not a good move

CHEESECAKE it looks somewhat disgusting but was delish

This is Sherin

This is Manny. He has very very very beautiful eyes and that's what I was trying to capture but the lighting sucked

St. Patrick's Cathedral. So beautiful

SAKS 5TH AVENUE BABY

MACY'SSSSSSSSS

Rockefeller Centre

DO YOU RECOGNISE THIS FROM 30 ROCK?!

:O

The obligatory Times Square shot, although I'll get a proper night-time one next week

Just for Chloe :) They were HUGE

who gives a fuck about an oxford comma

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:54:01 GMT

I'm in JERSEY BABYYY! Chicka chicka yeeeeeeah. Got here two days ago, and I was in North Carolina for 4 days before this.

First I need to update on what I left out of Chicago. Basically, it was funnn. So, after my cool jeans and spicy beans time at my uncle's and Phil's, I went to Gurbani's on Friday evening. We picked G up from the airport on Saturday because she had just finished an internship in LONDON how cool. Anyway, so I can't really remember what we did on what day. I know that on Monday I went out with my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Dickerson, who is now retired but took met out for waffles because she is cool like that. But I remember we went shopping TWICE which was fabbo, and we mostly hung around the 'burbs but we went into the city once which was EXCELLENT because I got the dress that I was coveting the whole time I was in Chitown. Our time in the city is photo documented all on Facebook so flip through them there because I can't be bothered reposting some of them here. I also met KIRIN who is G's best friend and is AS WICKED AS SHE IS. So we all hung out happily. Then I met Kirin's family. This requires a new paragraph because it involves a very important plot point PLOT POINT.

Now, Kirin's Dad sells gun grips. And his gun grips are amazing. For example, Public Enemies with Johnny Depp? All the gun grips in there are his. So, I enter her Dad's gun grip place, and LO AND BEHOLD. ON THE WALL WAS A PHOTO OF HIM AND TOM SELLECK. He also had photos of him with other famous people but they don't matter because Tom Selleck owns them all. I flipped out. And Kirin's Dad was all do you want to talk to him? and I was all ARE YOU SERIOUS and he was all haha yes. And I was all I'm going to die. And he was all no, write down what you want to say. So anyway, after a lot of hoohaa he called Tom and was like talk to this girl because she loves you. And Tom was all yeah sure! AND THEN WE TALKED (the script went out the window because the original plan was that I was going to pretend to be Raj's secretary trying to find out how his grips were treating him but then we thought it was better to just be honest). And Kirin took a video of it but she hasn't sent it to me yet but when she does I will post it up here. But the moral of the story is I TALKED TO TOM SELLECK AND I LOVE RAJ SINGH and it was probably the happiest day of my life, no jokes. I grew up watching Magnum P.I. with my sister so this was like talking to my childhood hero. Anyway, moving on. Ate out a lot. Met all her family and friends who were mad cool. I miss Chicago.

SO THEN I hit up NC and that was so lovely. I stayed with my Sheela, my Mum's best friend, and her family. One of her sons was hating on me hard but I adore him because the last time I saw him was like 14 years ago when he was 2 and he pooped on the floor. We went to their local museum, Discovery Place, and it was really a bit of a sad museum, not much in it. But oh well. So we took an overnight trip to Tennessee to visit DOLLYWOOD which is Dolly Parton's theme park, and it was so gloriously tacky. So fat. So white. So Southern. Ever been squished between two obese white people in line for the Tennessee Tornado? I have. I loved every minute.

NOW I'M IN JERSEYYYYYYY and it is siiiiiiick and I'll update on that later. But for now, more Chicago and NC photos. Chur

Mrs. Dickerson & me

Gurbani, Kirin, me and Kirin's sister Jasleen

Kirin's Dad Raj and me. This guy is so cool.

Dinner at some place I can't remember the name of. But I should because G talked about it all the time. It was cool. You like put together whatever you want and they cook it for you.

"You want fire? Hey! You want fire? I give you fire!"

FIRE

Sheela's mother-in-law (from now on these photos are in North Carolina)

Ahahaha.

Me, Sheela, her son and her MIL

Me and a REAL LIVE PIRATE in Discovery Place

I too am a real live pirate

We went to Sheela's temple (she is Hindu). This photo is Sheela trying to figure out how to put a sari on me

I'M WEARING A SARI

Where the sun shines all day, y'all

I kill bear

This is for Omar, who most likely does not even read this blog

Right, so they had this train ride in Dollywood. We got on. The train took like 10 minutes to start. It travelled for about 3 seconds before it stopped. We sat there for about 15 minutes while they tried to fix whatever had broken. They couldn't. The train travelled backwards for another 3 seconds. We got off.

On the carousel!

He LOATHES me. This is the only picture we could get of him and me together.

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 23:49:09 GMT

Since I'm on a roll, I think I'll keep going. Basically, CHICAGO HAS BEEN FREAKIN' EPIC. I miss living here so bad :'(

So I got to Chicago last Wednesday, and I spent the next 2 days at my Uncle Stan's house. I forgot to take pictures the first day, but we visited his old uni, Northwestern, which was beautiful. We went to Millenium Park that night, where there was a live orchestra playing because it was summer vacation, and then we watched the fireworks at Navy Pier. The next day, we went to the Ba'hai (sp?) Temple which was just beautiful, and went out for sushi, and visited their old house, then just hung out at home. By the way, I know my posts are getting boring, but I can't be bothered making them exciting, so DEAL.

My 6 (and a half)-year-old cousin Angeline and Uncle Stan

Outside the Ba'hai Temple

I'm always halfway into my food before I remember to take a photo of it

I eat sushi

INSIDE THE BELLY OF THE BEAST

I ARE A WIZARD

Friday was funny. I spent the day with my Mum's friend Phil, a sweet, sweet 79-year-old ex-model with whom Mum used to live. Phil is the funniest old lady I've ever met. She smokes like a chimney and gossips like no other, and asks me the same questions over and over again. But Phil is as lovely as pie, and will continue to freely give out her house key and her car and trust people. No matter how many times they steal from her. She took me out for lunch, and then we spent the rest of the day watching a variety of educational programs on TV, including Cheaters, Maury Povich, Jeopardy, some show about pedophiles, and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Where Phil lives is a bit dodgy, and one of her neighbours kept coming over to smoke, and proudly showed me ultrasounds of the illegitimate child growing in her 16-year-old daughter's uterus.

This dog smells so bad

That evening, I went to my childhood friend's house, and I have spent the rest of my time in Chi Town (as the locals call it) here. And I have LOVED IT. They are the most amazing family and I have had the most amazing, funnest time here. I was in 4th grade with Gurbani when I lived in Chicago. But I have done too much here to talk about so I will post about it later. BECAUSE I AM NOW TIRED. Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xxxxxxxx

so come on and fly with me as we make our great escape

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 23:05:03 GMT

Okay, finally finishing my account of the Toronto portion of my trip! So, on the last day, I visited St. Lawrence Market, which is a huge famous farmer's market. Then I visited the Distillery District, which is a pedestrian-only district, which is very hip and arty made of cobblestone streets and galleries and boutiques. Then I visited The Eaton Centre which used to be the largest shopping mall in the Northern Hemisphere, or something like that. So kind of a lazy day, not much reason to take many pictures, as you'll see below.

Now, before this all happened, I was waiting for the bus to come in the city, so I was sitting outside a cafe having a cup of tea. This man walked by me and stared at me before going into the cafe, then came out a few minutes later.

(Man comes near me)
Man: You have very pretty eyes.
Me: ...Okay.
Man: Can I sit down? *sits down*
He then proceeded to talk to me, so I got up and tried to leave.
Me: *walking away*
Man: Wait! Where are you going? Don't you want to fall in love?
Me: Not with you.
Creep? So I hurried into the cafe and waited near the counter until I saw him leave. Then I was wandering around the harbourfront trying to keep near crowded areas until my bus came, and then, about an hour later, HE RODE PAST ME ON A BIKE. So I turned around and walked in the opposite direction, pretending I hadn't seen him, AND HE TURNED AROUND AND RODE PAST ME AGAIN.

Anyway, he didn't rape me or anything, so photos!

The New Zealand Shop in St. Lawrence Market!

The Distillery District

At night, this guy comes alive and eats babies

This gallery was closed, so I took this through the window

Anyway, to end this Torontonian era, I thought I'd let you know what a ridiculous time I had there. The lady I was staying with was one of my Mum's friends from university, and I say was because this lady has gone CRAZYPANTS. Initially, I was never planning on going to Canada, but this lady insisted that I stay with her for at least 9 days, and talked to me happily on the phone about how excited she was that I was coming, and how she'd treat me like her own daughter.

BUT NO SIR.

It looked like she hadn't cleaned her house in years. Her hair was in my bed. Her toilets were dirty. She didn't cook, and I mostly bought my own food from out. She only spoke about how high up in her company she was, and how many people she fired on a daily basis. She repeatedly bitched about my mother in front of me, and attempted to make me miss my flight to Chicago. Then, after dropping me off at the airport, my Mum called her to see if everything had gone fine, and she went OFF THE CHAIN MAN. She started ranting about how I was rude and yelled at her every day, and how I didn't know anything about the recession, and that I said Canadian students were stupid and poor, and that I talked to strangers, and other things which I now forget. After many more confusing minutes during which my Mum tried to understand what was going on, the lady yelled into the phone "DON'T EVER BOTHER CONTACTING ME AGAIN" and slizzammed the phone down.

Golly gosh, what an adventure!! Sadly, we sent her a huge sheepskin rug which we will never see again :( :( :(

i live on the right side, i sleep on the left

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 21:39:51 GMT

Man, I'm on fire with these updates! 3 in one day! I completely forgot to upload this, but this is how annoying the Canadian accent is. Canadians, I apologise. But your accent hurts me. I thought it was just this lady, but EVERYONE I MET SPOKE LIKE THIS.

So anyway, last Monday I visited the Royal Ontario Museum. It was cool. Since you've all been to museums before, I've pretty much just uploaded douchy photos of myself.

The ROM

My face is near his willy

Stone Face is DISPLEASED

Yes

Hairy man

THE DINOS IS GOING TO EATS ME

Ha ha ha

Look, Ross, it's the Holiday Armadillo!

Cat & Eugenie, this is just for you

Why did the bear dissolve in water? BECAUSE IT WAS A POLAR BEAR

You think YOU'VE got problems

RAAAAAAA I AM A GIANT CRAB

red red wine

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 20:06:47 GMT

The day after the Niagara Falls tour, I went on a tour of the wineries in the Niagara region. Underage! But nobody knew because I acted so maturious, because I am a big girl. So I drank lots of wine and discovered that it is very easy to pretend to be a wine snob.

Other girl on the tour: What wine do you usually drink?
Me: Usually just a good Riesling or Chardonnay.
Girl: What about red wine?
Me: (I WAS SO SNEAKY) Hmm, I don't drink much red, I get red wine headaches (I said this while nodding resignedly)
Girl: Oh no, I'm so lucky I don't get them, I love red!
Me: Yeah, I don't mind, I'm more of a sweet wine drinker than a dry one.

Then, when actually sampling the wines, just say you taste anything, e.g. a nutty flavour, or peaches, or honey, or mandarins, and the wine expert will always be like, YES! OF COURSE! because they are all big wanks.

Anyway, the best thing about these tours was the ICEWINE. Now, icewine is made primarily in Canada (I think Austria and Germany do some, and NZ is experimenting with it atm). It's a dessert wine that is just SO SO DELICIOUS. The grapes are picked when they have frozen solid, at temps of approx -10 to -12 degrees C. Each grape produces only a drop to a drop and a half of syrup - so you can imagine that you'd need a loooooot of grapes, and that the wine is super expensive. WHICH IT IS. But it tastes like yum.

Some grapes, I picked some and ate them but they were not very nice

I heard it on the GRAPEVINE oh haha.

A winery, so pretty

Another winery, also so pretty

This tank holds 15,000L of wine wine wine

A barrell cellar, where the wine matures and fancy people have fancy parties

Chairs on a wall, because wine makes you kooky like that

This quaint little town called Niagara-on-the-Lake (because it is on the lake) which is pretty much geared towards tourists. It's really very sweet, but almost a little too quaint. Horse-driven carriages etc. And expensive.

The year-round Christmas shop where Santa threw up

Yes. Yes, I can smell sandalwood and papaya in this wine.

THIS IS ME AND MY FRIEND HERSHEY (There was this huge Hershey's shop which sold EVERYTHING Hershey for rip-off prices)

I had to get creative and stick my hand and camera through the other face-hole to take this picture. It was lonely and weird and people stared

My half-eaten Niagara Hershey Cookies 'n' Cream fudge. It looks like poo but tastes like happiness

The next day, I went to a local Farmer's Market. It was cute. I bought cherries. I then went to a bookstore and read for the rest of the day. Here are some photos.

There was a lewd Canadian man playing a didgeridoo. I was all nuh-uh.

Pretty berriessssssss

I got excited and bought roasted corn dripped in butter

following the pack, all swallowed in their coats

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:39:09 GMT

Two Fridays ago, I went on a tour of the Niagara Falls. Now, what was pretty cool was that a limo picked me up from the place I was staying to take me to the tour bus. So I was like, great. BUT. SOMETHING NOT SO COOL HAPPENED. AND HERE IS THE STORY.

So, I get on the tour bus. I'm sitting alone, and suddenly all these people get on. And then, I see possibly the most beautiful guy I have seen in my entire life. He was tall, he was athletic-looking, he was tanned, he was blonde, he was blue-eyed, he was GORGY. Behind him were two old people (just as beautiful). They saw me, they grinned, they nudged him and said loudly, "Look, son, there's a free seat!" They then pushed past him and proceeded to the back of the bus, leaving Mr. Yums standing there, looking at me apologetically. He said, "Can I please sit here?" and I kind of did some dorky spastic head-nod. He sat down, and we started talking. He was Finnish, the old people were his grandparents, they had arrived in Toronto the previous night and had only had time to grab a bite to eat, he was in his 3rd year of his paramedics degree or whatever, he thought Toronto was beautiful. Inside, I was all, "THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST TOUR EVER."

THEN. Stupid, idiotic, piece of crapface limo driver got on the bus. He pointed at me and said, "Get off, we've overbooked, and you're going on the tour in the limo."

...

So instead, I spent the day in the limo with a Spanish family, which included an incredibly annoying 26-year-old guy. Anyway, the family was absolutely lovely and the Mum kept saying I was like her daughter, so they were nice. But no Finnish boy :(:(:( Anyway, the tour was fun, so hot, not much more to say about it because it's all in the photos, really, lots of beautiful scenery and stuff. So, onwards with photos!

In a winery, drinking icewine

Outside the winery with our pimping limo

The dam. You see that green land mass? THAT'S AMERICAZ

My Spanish amigos - Antonia, Hose Antonio, and Juan

This thing called the Niagara Floral Clock

You can WALK across a bridge to go to the US!!

My and my sexylicious poncho

The falls!

We went on a boat ride in the falls themselves. EPIC

Having lunch

This is why I don't have friends

i see that you've got well-made hands

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 01:00:37 GMT

I'm now in Chicago and having a wonderful time, but am still v. behind on my blog :(

Last Thursday I visited Casa Loma (Spanish for 'house on the hill,' which is exactly what this is). Fellow X-Men brethren - Xavier's School for Gifted Children? This is it! It's a masssssssive castle which was built by a man called Sir Henry Pellatt, and designed by E. J. Lennox, a famous architect who built a lot of the buildings in Toronto. The story of the castle is really amazing (and sad, as Sir Pellatt was eventually left penniless) so if you like history READ ABOUT IT I SAY. Anyway, because you are all not cultural savants as I clearly am, all YOU will want to know is that the castle is wicked cool. (Unfortunately, I had forgotten to charge my camera battery the previous night so I ran out of battery before I entered the gardens of Casa Loma which were just BEAUTIFUL =( )

Photooooooooooos

The back view of the castle. Couldn't fit it all in because it is A CASTLE

I won't show you all the 50 million rooms of the house, because they were all equally fancypants

The conservatory

The spindly spirally stairs of terror leading up to the top spire. Scary as shit and embarassing if you're wearing a skirt. Which, as I realised while climbing, I was.

Halfway up!

Views of the city from the top of the castle

View of the entrance of Sir Henry's gardens from the top of the tower

What Sir Henry's pool was meant to look like

What Sir Henry's pool actually looks like

Oh Crazy Bob, you are so crazy

The freaky long underground passageway leading to Sir Henry's stables and archery room. I did try to video this for you but my battery choked

Me and my mega arms, just cos

The next place I went to was... the Bata Shoe Museum! OHMYGODSHOES. Shoes shoes shoes. Everywhere. And boys, YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT TOO. It was the history of shoes, different types of shoes, shoes of celebrities, EVERYTHING. The highlight of my trip! So I will detail my trip for you and you will read all of it even if you do not want to. But to assist you in this arduous task, I have drawn you some pictures. I have also done this to remember stuff because I am a nunchuck (re: battery non-chargification).

1) Celebrity shoes - I will list only the most important ones I saw
- Eminem
- Britney Spears
- John Lennon
- Tom Hanks
- Brad Pitt
- Oprah
- Muhammad Ali
- Michael Buble
- Elvis
- Marilyn Monroe
- Henry David Thoreau
- Winston Churchill
- Elton John
- Dr. Evil
I also saw the footprint of Bowie.

Elton John's platform shoe.

2) The history and development of shoes
This was like wow. It went from the shoes of the Otzi Man (which was made out of hay and bear skin and stuff) to Egypt to the Greeks & Romans to the Anasazi to the India to Africa to China (the bound feet etc) to all the different stages of European fashion (Gothic, Renaissance, Tudor etc.) This was followed by the history of shoes within different religions, which was way more boring but oh well. But it did feature the Kurdaicha shoes worn by Aboriginees and I was all like YEAH BO although it was still boring

A paduka (toe-knob sandal) from India.

A shoe from the Tudor era.

3) Different types of shoes
e.g. snowshoes, clogs, spaceshoes, cowboy boots etc.

'Fumidawara,' a type of snowshoe used in Japan.

There was also one that nearly made me pee my pants. It had razor blades exiting all over the sole. But! It was only a harmless Chestnut Crushing Clog.

Chestnut Crushing Clog.

4) The development of shoes for men and women
Men - boring, because it was just subtle reworkings of the same styles
Women - MINDBLOWING. It went from heels to wedges and platforms to stilettos. There were a pair of Manolos there which were beautiful and made me happy. And I learned that high heels developed as feminism was burgeoning, for they acted as signifiers of feminine power. DID YOU KNOW THAT? I DID NOT!

5) Exhibitions
Cutting-Edge Winter Sports Footwear
- boring

Native North American Footwear
- pretty but also boring

Treasures from the Bata Shoe Museum
- GREAT! This also chronicled shoes from different areas of the world, e.g. Asia etc. but it had some truly beautiful things there. It also had Napoleon's socks, and Queen Victoria's shoes and gloves.

Miss you all!
Love xx

is your bed made? is your sweater on?

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:35:23 GMT

The net is working! But I have an early start tomorrow so I'm only going to picture-update the first day, because I am lazy.

Duck in Lake Ontario. Quack

View from the MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT. I don't know why the skies look on the grey side in the photos, it was a really a beautiful day :-/

The Toronto skyline from the aforementioned boat

19/f/Canada, single and ready to mingle (look, when you're travelling alone, you don't have anybody else to take pictures of you)

I don't think these were really anything of significance, but I sure had funtimes on them

So this strip joint was featured in The Incredible Hulk, which was also incidentally PG-13.

The Beatles stayed - and were assaulted by violent fangirls - at this hotel!

Agreed, this is a useless shot, but to the left of the place that says 'Selba' is a little restaurant where BRAD PITT ATE.

Toronto is filled with buildings which have these beautiful oxidised copper roofs (it is the oxidisation which turns them green)

Pusateri's, an exclusive coffee shop for the wealthy, is where you get the crappiest cup of coffee. Literally. They have small marsupials digest the coffee and poop it out for you to drink.

What you're seeing above is something I found weird (and ugly). In Toronto (as I suppose it is anywhere else) after a certain number of years a building is termed a 'heritage building' and cannot be torn down. So to work around that, they just build new buildings on top of it.
...Re-reading this footnote has made me realise that that you will not find this fact interesting. BUT I FOUND IT INTERESTING.

I'll cover the rest later. Love you long time! xx

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 03:19:24 GMT

NO. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE, INTERNET EXPLORER.

I will have to update in Chicago, because this is getting ridiculous. Sorry folks, the internet here absolutely blows, and I've written up an entry complete with pictures 3 times. As in, I have spent an hour and a half EVERY TIME. ONLY TO HAVE THE NET BLOW UP IN MY FACE. FUCK YOU TORONTO.

canuckcanuckcanuck

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:17:16 GMT

Very quick update, as it is late and I am sleepy. Will update more meatily tomorrow, complete with pictures. I arrived in Toronto at 6 in the morning yesterday and then went to the Toronto Harbour which was lovely. Went on a boat ride that took me around Lake Ontario, very pretty. Then went on a tour of the city which was great, I met these lovely old people who were Torontonians on a day trip. Then visited The Power Plant, which is a contemporary art gallery. Toronto is not the most exciting place in the world, but the people are really so lovely, so very mild-mannered and relaxed, and the city is just like the people, big open spaces and roads with lots of pretty little gardens here and there. Today, the lady I'm staying with had a bit of work to do so she dropped me off at the mall (so huge) and I spent most of the day there, there was so much to see that I forgot to eat. Came home for a cup of tea, then went out for dinner and a bit more shopping.

WILL UPDATE LATAZ love yous xx

laws without morals are useless

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:26:18 GMT

Hi crazy babies!

If you weren't aware, I'm going on exchange to The Jewniversity of Pennsylvania for the Fall '09 semester (next semester), so I'm documenting my travel adventures so that you know what's going on with me, and hopefully, I'll know that you're alive because I demand that you each post one comment per blog entry (can you even comment? Maybe not, that is a bit of a pickle). I will probably get lazy with the blog's upkeep but I'll try not to!

Those of you who know me know that my sense of direction is atrocious, and unsurprisingly I just found out I've been wrongly telling people where Penn is, so this is all you need to know:

To make both you and I comfortable with where I'm going, let us look at some PENN TRIVIA.

The Declaration of Independence was signed in Philadelphia in 1776, thereby making Pennsylvania the king of the USA.
Pennsylvania leads the nation in rural population, number of licensed hunters, State Game Lands, covered bridges, meat packing plants, mushroom production, potato chip production, pretzel bakeries and sausage/scrapple production. Top score, Penn.
Pennsylvania had the nation's first hospital and also INVENTED THE BANANA SPLIT
In Hazleton, there is a law on the books that prohibits a person from sipping a carbonated drink while lecturing students in a school auditorium.
This guy lives there.

Those fun facts sucked. But don't worry, Penn is meant to be off the chain insane. They even throw toast and stuff. I haven't left yet, I'm leaving NZ on Monday 27th July, which is in less than a week :O Until then, I have a hefty amount of packing and worrying and admin bidness and getting excited to do. ESPECIALLY GETTING EXCITED.

Please also send me emails telling me what's going on because I love you and I'll miss you all heapsalot! And tell me about new people in your lives (particularly new man- or lady-friends) so I can do what I do best. Stalk them.

Love xx

P.S. I have noticed that if you use IE7 to view my site, the 'Top of the Page' link at the bottom of every page shifts to the left so you can only see 'Page.' It's a glitch with IE7 in particular that I can't do anything about, sorry, but it shouldn't affect you too much unless you're weird. And you shouldn't be using IE anyway, 'cause it blows.

P.P.S. I have to leave you with this because these guys are too cute